What Does Hakkai REALLY Think?
by Son Nuriko
Summary: Ever wondered what Hakkai thinks behind his smile? Just a random thingy... Ahaha... Btw this is REALLY OOC ok? So if you don't like Hakkai thinking like Sanzo don't read... Greatly appreciated... Although if you wanna comment anyway, be my guess...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Gojyo (who can't cook for shit) offers to help him cook?_

**SAYS: **Oh Gojyo, that's really nice of you but I think you should really rest. You've done so much work today already…

**THINKS:** _Omg!!! YOU?!?!?! COOK?!?!!?! You can't even boil eggs properly, let alone make a feast for that stupid, black hole of a stomach monkey! No! No! I'd rather you burn Hakuryu into holes with your cigarettes than cook! And, if you Do do that, we can ride on the stupid blond monk who runs on his endless supply of complaining fuel! No Gojyo! You're a great friend and all but please, PLEASE stick to your one-night-stands and LEAVE THE KITCHEN ALONE!!! THIS IS ONE BATTLEFIELD WHERE YOU WOULD HAVE TO RETREAT! _

**Lol this is done out of boredom and I sorta made it up when me and Shyazo were on the phone… Hehehehe I'll try to make more… If you want… Please Read and Review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters…

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Goku complains that he's hungry while on the road?_

**SAYS:** Now, now Goku. We will be in a town/city/village (WHATEVER!!!) not long now so please be patient…

**THINKS: **_Stop whining!!! Omg my ears are gonna bleed to death from your 24-hours of complaining! Why do you ALWAYS complain?!?!?! I REALLY wish that you loose your goddamn voice! You're like a broken record and you're even worse when you and that stupid perverted Kappa start fighting! AND when Sanzo starts yelling and cursing, my poor ears hurt like hell! My poor Hakuryu, it's a good thing you're deaf and can only lip-read... You don't have to suffer this torment I'm in... SHUT UP GOKU!!! _


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Sanzo starts yelling at Goku or Gojyo (or both!)?_

**SAYS:** Ahahaha Sanzo maybe you should calm down...

**THINKS:** _... Omg you stupid monk!!! Shut the hell up! Why can you not just be a normal stupid stinking monk and shut the hell up?!?!?! Why do you have to be a loud mouth asshole?!?!?! Can't you be like those other anime cool guys who are cool AND quiet?!?!?! OMG you're such a cool guy wanabee!!! I wish you would choke on that stupid cigarette that you always have in your mouth and pray that the lighted part will burn your voicebox so you can't shout! Also, I wish that Hakuryu would burn your stupid paper fan into ITTY BITTY pieces! I mean, I know that you don't use it on me but the fact that you wave it around like you're the boss of us pisses me off so badly! Stop yelling! Stop waving your STUPID fan around and SHUT UP!!!!_


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Kougaiji comes to take the Maten Scripture off them?_

**SAYS:** Hm... This isn't good...

**THINKS:**_ Scripture! Scripture! SCRIPTURE!!! It's ALWAYS with the damn Scripture with you isn't it?!?!?! Why do you need it so freakin badly??? It's not like your mum's trapped under a spell and the only way to save her is to give this Scripture to whomever's behind all of this!!! Geez! I bet you only want it cuz you're a spoilt little prince and you want everything and since you don't have the Scripture you want it! Hah! In your face! Since some countries HAVE poverty, do you WANT poverty?!?!?! Stupid spoilt brat! And what's up with you always, ALWAYS losing to Goku? I mean, come on! You're a frekin Prince of the Youkai! You can freakin make fireballs AND with that eyeball demon popping out of your hand and yet you can't defeat the food-for-brains monkey?!?! You're pathetic! You should DIE!!!! And leave us alone!!! I want to have some tea!!!_

**Sorry if it stinks cuz I make all these up on the spot and put them on straight away to avoid changing it... .**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When LIRIN comes to take the Maten Scripture off them?_

**SAYS: **Ahaha Goku... Your female version is here...

**THINKS**: _Wow, first the spoilt prince and now the bimbo kid? What next? Gyuumao himself? Oh wait, he's trapped... Ahaha... But how can SHE be related to Kougaiji? I mean seriously! Kougaiji's like a smart (not really) guy and is always frowning (reminds me of Sanzo) and she's like... A total Goku! I bet anything that Kougaiji's embarassed to even be in the same room as her! My god she's annoying, greedy and grr!!! I just wanna rip her head off! But I can't because everyone knows I'm a nice guy and would never hurt a girl... Ahahaha I wish people would stop thinking that! Why can't they just get to know the real me? I'm not only a listener! I need to talk to someone too! Ok I'm being kind of emotional now... Lirin! Go stick your head in a tube of ice cream and set fire to your hair cuz you're annoying!!!! GRRR!!!_

**NOTE: Ahaha gomen about the last part... I couldn't think of anything random to say so ya... **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Kanan has the knife and she's about to commit suicide_

**SAYS: **K-Kanan! N-No!!!

**THINKS:**_ Omg are you really gonna kill yourself?!?!?! YES!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DO IT!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! I'm finally gonna be free of your constant nagging horrible cooking! It's cuz of people like you men have to start cooking... You're a total disgrace to women! Not to mention you're my sister! Omg do you know HOW LONG I've been waiting for this day?!?!?! For you to FINALLY die!?!?!?! YES!!! Who cares about the baby in your stomach? I don't give a damn! It'd better die along with you cuz there's no way in hell am I gona take care of a Taboo... The last thing I need now is bad luck! So go on with it... I'll just pretend to care since you're gona die and there's no way for me to stop you... No Kanan no... Hehehehe... Freedom!!! _

**hehe I just realized that this is the FIRST ever chapter in which Hakkai's actually pretty happy! omg! lol... No no don't need to thank me Gakkai-san... hehehe**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:**Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Yaone introduces herself for the first time?_

**SAYS:** Ahahaha pleased to meet you... I'm Hakkai...

**THINKS:** _Holy Buddha on a bicycle! She's one hot Youkai! Thank god Kanan killed herself three years ago! This chick's not only got big boobs, she's tough and that's really hot! Man those explosives she makes! Wonder if she's dating anyone... It'd better not be that stupid spoilt prince! If I pretend to be nice to her maybe she'll get to know me and we can get together again... Normally I could kill a Youkai like her off in less than a milisecond but since it's you my Yaone, I'll let you live... You had better be able to cook!!!!!!!!! Cuz I am SICK of cooking!!! I can already imagine our kids... Hakkai Junior and Yaone Junior... And our cat can be named Yaokai... Hm no... sounds too much like Youkai... How's about... Hakne? Yup perfect! Oh my beloved Yaone! Till the day we meet again! _

**Hehehehehe I didn't know what to write and ya I copied the children and cat one... Guess where?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:**Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Kanzeon Bosatsu kissed Sanzo?_

**SAYS:** ...

**THINKS:**_Who the hell does that slut think she is?!?!?! I mean Gosh!!! Sanzo's a monk! And she's a Goddess!!! Omg I think I'm gona be sick... Eww! That's just sick and wrong!!! Why is the Goddess of Mercy kissing a monk?!?!?! Ew... I mean, talk about desperate!!! AND she's like over thousands of years old!!! Sanzo's only 23!!! I'm a bit scared... Pediphile (sp?)!!!!!!!! --;;; Wow that's a REALLY long kiss... Hell me and Kanan don't even kiss that long! Hell we only hold hands! And somehow it ALWAYS seem to be in the fields... Hm... How strange..._

**Ahem ya... I decided to re-do it because the previous one was done out of boredom at school and I felt it was a bit repetitive... And I dunno how to spell that word so ya... And thank you to Silver-Eyed for your wonderful comment! Appreciated the fact that you don't like out of characters stories... Thanks for reminding me to write the warning in for other non-out-of-characters-appreciators like you! Love you! Btw sorry for the shortness in this one! I had no idea for what else to write... This idea was suggested by GenjoShyazo chan!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:**Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Kami-sama took Sanzo's Scripture?_

**SAYS:** We must get it back…

**THINKS: **_Do we REALLY have to? I mean, let him have the Scripture… Then no Youkai will come after US… You always say you wanted peace and quiet Sanzo… Let him have it… I'm too tired to go after some maniac and get it back just so a thousand more Youkai could come after us every single day… This is getting really boring… I'm too lethargic to be yelling right now… All the yelling from before tired me out…_


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:**Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Nuriko__ said she's going to stop all this fanfiction of his thoughts?_

**SAYS:** Aww, I will miss it…

**THINKS: **_NOT!!! YES!!! She's FINALLY finished!!! Now I can keep all my thoughts to myself! No more sharing what I think! To be honest, I will miss this but YES!!! TIME TO PARTY!!! GOODBYE NURIKO!_

**Um ya…**** I sorta realized that Hakkai's thoughts are going REALLY OOC and I know most people wouldn't enjoy it… Gomenasai minna… But ya… I'm stopping after this cuz it's too far-fetched and I've run out of ideas…**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Nuriko changes her mind and __continues this fanfic yet again? (I'm baaaack!)_

**SAYS** Ahahahahaha

**THINKS: **_Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I need my happy pills… I cannot believe she's doing it again!!! What did I ever do to her?!?!?! I might actually jump off a building now… Or let Hakuryu run over me… Yeah that'll be a better death… HAKURYU!!! QUICK! Before Nuriko can put any more of my thoughts on! What?!?!? I'm not allowed to die?!?!?! Oh (insert swear words here)!!!!!!!!!!!!! _

**YES! I'M BACK!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When the amount of yaoi fanfics with Hakkai in it increases?_

**SAYS: **Ahahaha um… Help?

**THINKS:** _I'll say! Help for you sickos out there! I'm straight! I'm not gay! Especially with GOJYO!!! EWW!!! He makes me SICK!!! How can you pair ME up with Gojyo?!?! Or even worse, SANZO!!! I think I'm gonna be sick… I mean, I know I sometimes act sissy but that doesn't mean I'm gay! Just because I can cook and drink more tea than the average guy doesn't mean I'm a sissy! This is discrimination! I mean, I got nothing against yaoi… It's yaoi with ME that I have stuff against! How am I supposed to get Yaone now if rumours of me f$#$#$# or being f#$#$# by Gojyo or Sanzo are EVERYWHERE??? Btw that's not true!!! Ahhh!!! My Yaone! Just because I went on that ONE gay porn website does not make me gay! I mean, some of the guys on there look like chicks! Ok I think I'll shut up now before I say anymore embarrassing stuff… Like that time I rented a gay porn movie… Dammit! _

**Hehehe I know… Very spastic of Hakkai… Btw I'm actually not against yaoi… So ya… I don't hate yaoi but I think Hakkai would so here you go… Hehehe review and if you got any suggestions... Please don't hesitate to well... suggest! Haha!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Hazel appears and asks Sanzo to come with him_

**SAYS: **No Sanzo! You can't go!

**THINKS:** _Pfft! Like any of us _cares_ what happens to _you_… Go Sanzo! Make our lives SO MUCH better! You already mocked us about being Youkai… Did you know that if we wanted to, we could've just killed you off? You're just lucky I'm nice enough to save you from the other two… But noooo you end up mocking me and bad mouthing my kind… So go on! Go hang out with that blue haired freak! Like we care what happens to you! _

**Sorry if it's stink... I am really sick... But if you want I'll re-do this one...**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Gojyo, Goku and (surprisingly) Sanzo apologize for loosing Hakuryu_

**SAYS: **Ahahaha it's alright. We should really start looking for him though. My poor Hakuryu… No really it's alright Goku. I forgive you…

**THINKS:** _How could you LOOSE Hakuryu?!?!?! You stupid people! I leave him with you for ONE hour while I go shopping and you can't even do that for me?!?!?! Well guess what? Goku you're not having ANYTHING to eat, Gojyo's not getting any girls because I'm going to stick to you and be your gay partner and Sanzo is not going to get any peace and quiet until you find my Hakuryu!!!!! Oh my dear Hakuryu… I'll find you! And even if I do, I'm still going to make you three suffer… _

Haha sorry for the super late post... Just finished exams! So I'm back and I'll try to post up one chapter a day! hehe I wish... Review please!


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When he finds out Dokugakuji is related to Gojyo?_

**SAYS: **Ooooh… Didn't see that coming…

**THINKS:** _…Now I REALLY didn't that coming… I mean, aside from the height… They don't look the same at all! Ok so they're half-brothers but Dokugakuji's a nice person and Gojyo… Now he's a freaky pervert! How can they be related??? Hm… that's life for you… Not that Dokugakuji's not freaky… I mean what's with that blank stare every single time we meet? Is he on drugs or something? Well no surprises I guess… Since he's related to Gojyo…_

**Ok I had to pick on Doku but I didn't know what to do so looking at his very vacant expression on a picture gave me the idea to pick on his "duh" look… hehe**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Homura (hotness!) comes to get Goku from them?_

**SAYS: **No Goku don't go

**THINKS:** _…without your pork bun! Here I cooked up 2 dozen so when you stay there you won't get homesick, hopefully. Oh yes Homura if you want Sanzo and Gojyo as well, go for it! All they need are cigarettes and booze and they'll be fine! PLEASE!!! Get them off my back!!! And that was NOT a yaoi statement! _(a/n: Ooooh yeah it is:P) _Hey Homura if you take them all, I'll give you the Scripture AND Sanzo's unlimited credit card! Now you can buy that blue contact lens you always wanted to it'll match your other eye! PLEASE!!!!_

**Hehehe um… I'm really stuck now so sorry!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When __Chin Yisou comes and harasses him again___

**SAYS: **Damn you!!!

**THINKS:** _Now what do you have against me??? Oh yeah, cuz I killed your family… Well you started it! You stole my not-so girlfriend! Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I shouldn't have killed your family… Well, I don't really like Kanan anyway… Hahahaha oh well, silly mistake… I mean, it's not that bad killing over a thousand demons! Silly mistake! That's it! Hahahaha… Although if you keep harassing me like this I swear I _will_ kill you! I dunno how but I will find a way! Through your stupid boney chest I shall find a way to kill you!!!!!_

**Sorry if it's not that good… **


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Goku becomes Seiten Taisei the first time? (When Sanzo got stabbed in the rain and his diadem broke)_

**SAYS: **Oh no…

**THINKS:** _Oh my golly Miss Molly!!!! Why did you do that?!?!?! Now I have a bleeding monk and a raging monkey on the loose! Where's that good-for-nothing Gojyo when you need him??? Oh there on the floor… Stupid Kanzeon Bosatsu! You cheapskate! I bet his diadem is made out of plastic! That's why it broke so easily! Ok well now Gojyo's gone to stop the brat from massacring us… What the- Omg!!! Why'd you let him bite you!?!?!?!? Now you're gonna bleed as much as this guy is! Boy for someone really skinny, he sure does bleed a lot… Dammit all this thinking is making loose my Chi! _


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** Do not own Saiyuki and its characters. They belong to Minekura Kazuya-san

**What is Hakkai REALLY thinking…?**

_When Gojyo's having sex with a woman next door to his room?_

**SAYS: **Hahaha Gojyo's at it again…

**THINKS:** _"Hahaha" my ass! Omg why can't he be a bit more discreet!!! I mean, it's the middle of the night for goodness sake! I don't wanna hear stupid moaning and Gojyo grunting! It's just disgusting! Yet I feel a strange sense of Ah whatever!!! I'm going to be sooooooo scarred! It's bad enough I have ugly shadows under my eyes, making me look as old as Sanzo looks! Now with this I'm going to look even older! NOOOO I must go buy Oil of Olay! Best treatment for your skin! _


End file.
